Monday, December 20, 2004

The News Today

Good Day. This is your Noon Newsbreak.
There has been a disturbing lack of knitting going on for the past week. There have been no sightings of new hats or scarves lately. When asked about this lack of production, Kathen stated, "I'm not allowed to talk about that scarf! It was a piece commissioned by the DD17, and I said I would do two of them, but I know I can't get the second one done on time. I'm upset, and I'd rather not talk about it right now."
The house, which had suffered such neglect for the past 8 months or so, has been attacked by the four children who live here. The eldest child, DTH, decided to put into effect a housecleaning timetable, of sorts, which would culminate with the Christmas tree being put up before December 23, and also with DTH and Kathen spending the wee hours of Christmas morning sleeping instead of wrapping. When asked to comment, Kathen said, "Phffpbpbfttt!!!".
In other news, DTH stated, and I paraphrase here, "That Yarn Harlot is wasting her time on that blog. She aughta become the new Erma Bombeck." To which Kathen replied, "Oh, I know just the book you can get me for my birthday!..."
A Travel Advisory has been issued for anyone considering coming over to Chez Kathen. It will be another day before the Hallways and Bathroom are passable. There is a treacherous buildup of DS14's crud in boxes lining one hallway, and piles of laundry in the other. The bathroom is simply gucky, and Kathen quoted (approximately) the child of the Yarn Harlot, stating, "Oh yeah, that job looks yucky gross, Mom better do it!".
A Severe Sound Advisory has also been issued for the area surrounding DD17. It was announced last week that Kalan Porter is performing in our nearest little city in March, and tickets were going to be going on sale this week. DD17 grabbed Kathen by the lapels, and in a frightening, moist, breathy voice which sounded like a cross between Arwen and Gollum hyperventilating, said, "PleasepleasepleasepleaseMommy get me those tickets, pleeeeeeeeeeease?"
Tickets go on sale today. Expect a sound eminating from DD17 something like this: "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
And now for something completely different: The Weather. All bets are off on any highway travelling for relatives of Kathen. Apparently El Nino has come, and she (he? it?) is psycho. Our weather, usually a comfortable -15 to -20 degrees celcius at this time of the year, is vacillating between +5 and rain, and -27 or -30 and blowing snow. So the transitions between the extremes can involve: freezing rain, driving ice pellets, big snowbanks, slush, glare ice, black ice, dripping roofs, pea-soup fog, big fluffy flakes of snow, get the picture. Even people who like winter hate this weather.
Stay tuned for more Kathen news as Christmas stalks her every waking moment and threatens, along with the weather, to drive her crazy. At least DTH is at home on Recouperation Leave from work, so he can share in the madness. Kathen has vowed to post often enough that she doesn't forget how to create links (AGAIN!).


Blogger Jacqueline said...

Okay - that was clever.

21 December, 2004 11:47  
Blogger Brynne said...

Hee Hee, mommy you are absolutely adorable! Thank you so much for hitting the redial button for over half an hour to get me those tickets! I'll promise to refrain from using the Arwen/Gollum voice (at least till Clay Aiken has a concert in Bdn, or the Peg.) Kiss Kiss. Love Nargus

22 December, 2004 07:21  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Such a fabulous post! I laughed 'til I cried.
My favorite: "Our weather, usually a comfortable -15 to -20 degrees celcius at this time of the year". Girl, I can reLATE! Same here, only different. But very close. Argh! -- Norma (

23 December, 2004 23:16  

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